Those of you that have been following me for a long time know that a few years back, my husband cheated on me and I kicked him out. I have since worked things out and taken him back, and things are now better than they have ever been. During that time, I had received over 3,000 emails from readers who have had to deal with similar issues — and I thought it would be a good time to share a small series on a few things we have done that have made a difference.
Relationships can be difficult, even challenging at times, and you will find yourself disagreeing with your spouse. Maybe even experiencing a full, blowout agreement. But after it’s over, it can be sometimes difficult to let go of the anger we felt in the moment. And holding on to that anger too long can have a negative effect on the relationship.
It’s important to learn to let go of those negative, angry feelings as soon as possible for the sake of your well-being and the well-being of the relationship. These tips will help you learn to let go a little easier.
1. Replace negative thoughts. More often than not, a negative thought resulting from a bad memory can instantly make you upset, reliving the argument all over again. Instead, replace the negative thought instantly by thinking of something you enjoy. It could be a good memory in the past or something you really want in the future. Distracting your negative thought with something happy and joyful will help you recover more quickly.
2. Let it all out. Scream into your pillow. Write an angry letter. Go for a run or workout at the gym. The longer you allow those feelings to be part of you, the longer it will take to recover. Do whatever you need to do to let those feelings out so you can move on.
3. Surround yourself with positive people. Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with people you can look up to and talk to. People who will cheer you up, make you laugh, and help you start feeling better again. The people we surround ourselves with influence our mood in a big way so choose wisely.
4. Make caring for yourself a priority. What do you enjoy doing that always makes you happy? Find that thing, or things, and do them when you’re feeling angry or sad. You can’t give to anyone else if you don’t have anything left so replenish yourself with some self-care. Is there an activity you enjoy doing? A place you like to spend time? Or maybe it’s just taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon. Whatever it is, make time to be alone and enjoy some quality time with you.
5. Decide you don’t want to be angry anymore. Sometimes, simply “deciding” that you’re not going to feel a certain way anymore is enough to shake it off. Make up your mind to let go of the tension. Find beauty in the world and strive for a positive life. There are so many other positive emotions you can enjoy when you make the effort to let go of your anger.
If you want to print out the Ten Truths we shared, you can get it here: 10-truths-to-remember-in-difficult-times-dannelle-gay