I’m no longer having birthdays

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Yesterday was my birthday and I decided that I’m no longer having birthdays.

I'm no longer having birthdays

I realized how much I missed my momma. It was my first birthday without her and she is the one person in my life who really went out of her way to make that one-day-a-year event special.

  • She always made sure I had a card, even from my disabled brother who couldn’t make it to the store by himself to pick one out.
  • She would make a dinner – your favorite dish, but she would confer with you each year to make certain that your favorite was still your favorite.
  • She got my special cake at the local legendary bakery: the whipped cream cake that had both chocolate and vanilla layers, topped with finely chopped nuts and beautiful frosted roses.
  • She would find the perfect gift – whether I needed something silly that year or sentimental.

Let’s talk about Birthday 2021 –

I got to sleep in because the hubby was taking the teen to school that morning. I THOUGHT I had everything arranged when I said you had to leave by 7:20 AM and get to the parking drop-off line.

I wake up to a small text series from the kid about how I should never let him take the school drop off shift:

Please don’t let him take me to school again he woke me up 45 minutes earlier than usual for literally no reason and now I am frustrated and tired. Also, I was right we’re far too early.

After I read that and got up — I got to hear from HIM about how rude and argumentative she was. He didn’t even want to have her come to dinner with us – to leave the kid at home.

Such a nice way to wake up. Just. Ugh.

I did get a few cards and went to clean my brother’s place, as I do every Tuesday.

Lunch was at a place I had no interest in and even though some food was ordered for me, I wasn’t going to eat it. I just didn’t want a heavy pizza – mainly because I am still getting over this cold.

Home – and then time to pick up the kid at school – I certainly wasn’t going to have him do it after the morning issues.

A little writing and then a quick conference call…

Then out to dinner.

COVID has us seeing slightly altered things going on – like limited menus and smaller seating arrangements. While the menu was very limited, we DID find things the kid would be able to eat and placed our own orders.

No card from the kid – the kid wasn’t taken to the store to shop.

No gifts. Not even something silly.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a good dinner – but the kid never put their phone down and the husband made stupid bathroom jokes.

When it is about them?

I have always gone out of my way, like my momma, to make their days special. I have thrown 3 surprise parties for him and done things like this for the kid:

Cakes, cards, balloons. Their favorite treats, I have paid attention to their “wish lists” or things that they had mentioned once or twice liking – for instance, he got his Blues Brothers DVD this year for his birthday… along with other goodies like a restaurant gift card, silly t-shirt, another movie, and a mini tabletop golf game.

It’s just sad when there is no one around to do it for you.

Now, before you go all “quit the whining” on me – I am not. I am just tired. This last year has been hard for a lot of people with the COVID challenges. We lost 3 family members. I have had enough – I am simply exhausted. I feel like an empty bucket that no one adds any water to the top of. This is just a sanity move for ME.

The best part of my day?

Playing my mom’s voicemail from last year – that I saved on my phone. I closed my eyes, listened to my momma, and smiled as a tear tracked down my cheek. I know she loved me very much – and was proud of me. She is the reason I try to make everything so special for others and realized how disappointing it is when no one is around to do it for you anymore.

What will I do instead?

I have a few ideas like book a night at a hotel/spa – by myself. Go to dinner and a show? Go skydiving. Try something new. I don’t know, but I think I will make it up as I go along…I should have plenty of money to spend as the husband is getting another motorcycle – despite my stated misgivings. 2 cousins were seriously injured, an aunt and uncle killed, another uncle disabled… I am going to double his life insurance and make sure disability/accident insurance is high.

If you have “that person” who makes everything special? Cherish them – and take a little time to spoil them back. They need it more than you might think.

1 thought on “I’m no longer having birthdays

    • I lost my mom last year too. She did all the things your mom did too. Only difference is she had dementia so the last 15 years were like this year for you. Never get anything from anybody
      But my sister for Xmas. This year my son sen a card., but I’m sure it was from his finance. We moved from Wi to NC, 5 year ys ago June 1. Missing my sons 30 ish this Apr. always went to your classes in Sussex, and really enjoy your posts. I see your daughter is just like any teen. I think it will take to 30, before she will settle down. You did too much for her, like I did. Hanks for your writings . Have a good Birthday Year.

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